Compassion Having

by Rebecca Crichton

It’s that time of year when the confluence of the Jewish New Year and my birthday month coincide with their existential themes. Aging. Life cycles. Questions about meaning. Forgiveness. Compassion.

Most people know that among the themes of the Jewish holidays is the encouragement to evaluate and assess the past year. We strive, as we move forward into the New Year, to realign ourselves with our foundational values. The concept of T’shuvah is about repairing our world and returning to what is real and possible. We are asked to look at our lives with honesty and compassion. Not just for us but for others.

A favorite story is from the book In Buddha’s Kitchen: Cooking, Being Cooked, and Other Adventures in a Meditation Center by Kimberley Snow. She describes managing the kitchen at a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in California for the summer. When a sister and brother from Eastern Europe arrive as guests and workers, the sister proves herself to be difficult. She dries her shoes in the oven, she chatters at the workers whose work is silent and contemplative, she flips the kitchen light on and off. Annoying and difficult to ignore. The other kitchen workers ask the author to take the issue to the Lama in charge.

When she does, explaining in great detail her provocative and hostile behavior, he listens carefully. Finally, he responds: “No Compassion having.”

This story touches me deeply. I recognize how often I have no compassion for the people that annoy me or for myself when I do something that I feel bad about. I have taught myself to say “Compassion Having” to remind myself of my capacity for acceptance, which is sometimes hard to remember, let alone practice regularly.

In Judaism, there is no word for the concept of Sin. Instead, the term used to describe our transgressions is Chayt – a term from archery, usually translated as missing the mark.

I find the concept relatable since many of us often miss the mark. The Buddhist concept of skillful means is another way to talk and think about when we don’t behave well. We acknowledge when we have been unskillful and work to repair it. We return to wholeness and clarity, kindness and compassion.

Absent is the concept of Hell with its eternal punishment. Many of us might agree with Jean Paul Sartre, who declared: “L’enfer, c’est les autres!” – Hell is other people.  Who hasn’t experienced that reality?!

Most of us are not trained to be compassionate in situations where we are scared, fearful, or angry. Those emotions elicit our internal protective chemistry—adrenaline and other cortisols. While they might protect us from an immediate threat, they leave us vulnerable to our own and others’ judgments. Practicing compassion can evoke the emotions and chemistry related to kindness and connection—oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin—leaving us less likely to create hell for ourselves and others.